Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
