she looked like the before picture.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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