Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am naked and annoyed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
