I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
