Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
