I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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