forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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