i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
