you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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