I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
