I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
