i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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