Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize