8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
her vagine was all disorganized.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
