You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
