I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
