I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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