and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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