Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
