Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
