Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
