i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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