It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
