it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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