Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize