Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
