I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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