She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
