Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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