When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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