im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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