That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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