last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
