true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
