dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
