what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
