I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I FOUND THE LEGS
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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