If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
