Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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