I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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