that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
