biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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