My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
