I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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