did you get engaged???
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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