your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
3pm strippers are depressing
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
