hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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