my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Someone came in the potted fern
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
