I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
whose parrot is this?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
