went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We have started to decorate penises.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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