I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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