Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
