if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
