Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
