Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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