Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
