like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I supernannyed him into submission
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
