he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
