Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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