We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
