id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No...this little piggys going to the bar
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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