Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
