shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
now i know why i became what i already was.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
