sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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