My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize