There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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