a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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