They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
