Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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