I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
