there's paper in my vomit.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
