There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
